This piece was originally written in 2010, before I transitioned. The piece remains in its original format.
Hiding
Hiding
Suppressing
Suppressing
No matter what
It won’t stop
It won’t go away
No matter how hard I try
He stays and he stays
Digging and clawing
He begs and he begs
He whispers into my ears
and fills my dreams
Without him I am nothing
But he is not all of me
Acceptance is mutual
My dark passenger
Such a love-hate
He is all that is
And is all that I am
Yet he is not what they see
Nor will he ever be
Forever hidden
Behind a lie and a smile
Bullshit bullshit they cry
but they do not know
know one ever knows
people wonder why they never know
because it is always hidden behind
a smile and a lie
a monster can dream
and a monster can fear
but a monster will always lie
Always hidden behind a smile and a lie
always in the shadows
of your mind
of my mind
he whispers and speaks
and I gladly listen
for a monster’s plan is always
quite pleasant
for his dreams and his schemes
for his nightmares and his lusts
I am held captive
for I am the monster
who smiles and lies
who hides behind the clever disguise
the one you never suspected
was capable of anything
quite like the monsters
dreams and schemes
smiles and lies
we all hide behind
smiles and lies
smiles and lies
without them we are nothing
no where to hide no where to run
but we will always exist
they never see us
because our dreams and schemes
are all hidden behind
smiles and lies
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