My inspiration for this piece was my top surgery in the spring, and how with it came the closest attachment i’ve ever felt to my body, even before the procedure was done. Instead of thinking of myself as a vague shape, i suddenly had to think about the nuts and bolts of my physiology. What’s more, on the other side of it, I still don’t pass, making all those metaphors about butterflies and cocoons feel completely unrelatable. I’m happy with my result, but it’s funny. My “past self” doesn’t feel very past at all. I’d like to make friends with her someday, but until then i feel a bit stuck.

When I’m drawing, I’m thinking about the skeletons within the bodies i draw, the separation of them all and making sure everything is clear. This didn’t feel like the right way to go in a piece about blurriness AS physical mass, so instead of taking out my sketchbook i went to the kitchen and made play dough. I wanted to have to focus on the exterior, on the blurry lumpiness that could only come from drawing something from its exterior. This also freed me up to do some cool angle stuff and play with lighting. I made some models, mashed them together, and ran with it until the piece felt complete.

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